TV coulda-beens

In the latest Cat on the Prowl, Cat Davis and her guest Andy Goldblatt brought up one of my favourite subjects: TV characters who seemed gay (but never came out). Oddly enough, both their picks were children... Penny from Inspector Gadget and Punky Brewster... but there are tons more to talk about (and plenty of non-animated, non-minor, non-icky ones).

So here, in no particular order, are five characters I think should have been gay.

1. Jo Polniaczek, The Facts of Life

If this show were on today (instead of 1979-88), Jo would have to be a dyke. No two ways about it. Television producers could not get away with a motorcycle-driving, trash-talking, dress-shunning teenage tomboy and not have her come out. All that bickering with roommate Blair was so obviously a result of unresolved sexual tension.


The writers threw a bevy of boyfriends Jo's way to convince us she was straight -- she was even married off in the final season -- and her butcher qualities were written off as the "unfortunate" consequence of a lower-class upbringing, but discerning fans weren't fooled. Many a lesbian in her 30s or 40s cites Jo as one of her first girl crushes.

2. Deb Morgan, Dexter


Here's a more contemporary example. Debra Morgan, sister to the title character, found herself involved with a serial killer in Season One (before he kidnapped her and tried to get Dexter to kill her) and a much older man in Season Two (clearly the expression of some serious daddy issues). I think she'd have much better luck with women. She's a total catch -- she's a cop, she works out, she's unbelievably loyal to her brother -- and she clearly has good taste. After all, she described Dexter's girlfriend Rita (played by Julie Benz) as "fuckin' perfect."

3. Ash and Scribbs, Murder in Suburbia


Emma Scribbins and Kate Ashford are detectives and partners. No, not in the good way. But they should be and here's why. They're perennially dumping or being dumped by bastard men, and yet are perfectly happy in each other's company. They often bicker a la Jo and Blair (see above), and yet are loyal friends who'd probably take a bullet for each other. They see themselves ending up in an old age home together in fifty years, and yet they don't see that they should just forget about the bastard men altogether and shack up now.

4. Sarah Connor, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I'll admit I've never seen this show. Terminator 2: Judgment Day is one of my all-time favourite movies and Sarah Connor, as played by Linda Hamilton, one of my favourite characters. Lena Headey's take looks good too, but I just can't get past the teen-boy angst factor. I'll tell you what would make me watch it, though -- if Sarah were gay.

Think about it: Lena's already played gay more than once, so we know she can do the job. Sarah, with her buff bod and hard-edged personality, would attract dykes in droves. Being all too aware of how short life is (having personally altered the future to buy humanity a little more time), she wouldn't get bogged down by questioning or worrying about what people would think --- she'd just go for it.

5. Sarah Henrickson, Big Love


Another Sarah, this one younger and much more concerned with social pressure. Sarah is the teenage daughter of polygamists Bill and Barb (and Nicolette and Margene), so she's no stranger to keeping secrets. Plus, she's the only one on my list who's actually had a (sort-of) brush with lesbianism. In Season One, Sarah befriended Heather, a baby dyke in denial (although that's not explicitly stated or shown) who pined for her big time. In Season Two, their perceptive frenemy Rhonda tried to blackmail Heather by threatening to tell Sarah about her feelings.

Sarah rebels against her family's unconventional way of life, but not quite enough for my liking. I'd rather see her throw off the burden of their beliefs altogether and confront Heather about her crush. As it stands, whatever it is between them hasn't been resolved, so it's entirely possible something more will happen in upcoming seasons. Fingers crossed.